Why Join a Trusting Circle / Go Directly to Forums
Caring Advocates offers two kinds of Trusting Circles; most people will start with one, although some may wish to join both.
- Trusting Circles of Caring Advocates Proxies provides the opportunity to discuss difficult end-of-life decisions with others and often leads to finding a person you can trust to be your Proxy who is NOT related to you. The need for this is discussed below.
- More information
- Go to forum for an open discussion
- Complete and submit a questionnaire to help Caring Advocates staff place you in an appropriate Trusting Circle for Creating Values Memoirs
- Trusting Circles for Creating Values Memoirs provides the opportunity to learn how you want to share the important events and values of your life. It can help you get started and provide the opportunity to learn important techniques with support and feedback from others who are also beginning to create their Values Memoirs. Whether your choice for the final produt is a two-page letter, a bound book, a collection of annotated photographs, or someone who interviews you on an audio or video recording, this is a good place to start your creativity.
- Trusting Circles of Caring Advocates Proxies
- They agreed to make the decisions that you wanted and did so, but feel guilty because it was in CONFLICT with their own religious or moral values;
- They did NOT make the decisions they knew you wanted because of the conflict with their own religious or moral values and thus they feel guilty because they let you down, which caused you to suffer more and longer;
- They had no conflict with religious or moral values but they did not realize when they agreed that “when that time came,” they could just not make a life-or-death determining medical decision for someone whom they and others loved so much—in a word, they could just not let you go;
- There were no conflicts, but they were still unsure if they made the decision too early and thus caused you to lose some possibly enjoyable weeks or months of your life.
- They had no conflict with religious or moral values, but they were still unsure if they made the decision too late and thus caused you to endure unnecessarily prolonged pain and suffering or indignity for the last weeks or months of your life.
- They had to deal with someone—perhaps a clinical provider or a close family member or friend—who disagreed with either WHAT or WHEN they made their decision, and that caused stress, conflict, raised doubt, and subsequently they felt guilty.
- Include in your Proxy Directive, words that acknowledge that even you would find it difficult to make such decisions and that all you can ask is for him or her to make the best decision possible with the information available at that time;
- Be sure you have adequate discussions with your potential Proxies so they understand your Last Wishes;
- Provide your Proxy with supportive backups, such as a membership to Caring Advocates (so they can receive advice from our professional staff);
- Try to resolve potential conflicts (in values or between people) ahead of time; and,
- Designate the staff of Caring Advocates as an alternate Proxy (this option is not available to all, but we will consider your request).
As we get older, it becomes more and more difficult to find individuals we can trust to be AVAILABLE, ABLE, and WILLING to advocate for our Last Wishes. Sometimes people are out of town traveling, or they are also sick, or just not as alert and functional in their mental functioning as they once were.
We also must consider how much of a burden it will be to ask those who love us. In our experience, many people are asked to serve, to function as a Proxy for the first time without a prior “apprenticeship.” Even if everyone who qualifies as a close family member or friend agrees, the awesome responsibility of making a life-or-death determining decision can cause stress and lead to guilt from six sources:
For these and other reasons, it is advisable for everyone to create a list of potential Proxies that are ordered into a sequence, so that if one person on your list is NOT willing, NOT available, or NOT able, then the next designated alternate can serve as your Proxy.
For the person who ultimately serves as your Proxy, there are five ways YOU can help to decrease potential stress and guilt:
Caring Advocates® can help:
We can help organize groups of people in your area to form Trusting Circles for Caring Advocates Proxies to provide advice and answer questions that arise.
When “that time comes,” we can provide support and advice to the person who is acting as your Proxy. We can also discuss the options and consult with the professionals involved in your treatment (if desired by you or your Proxy).
Right now, we can help your facilitate your discussions with questionnaires (and in some cases, personal interviews) to assist the learning process of your Proxies so that they can feel confident they understand your Last Wishes. The more confident they are, the less stress and guilt they will experience, and the more likely the decisions they make will be the ones you would also have made.
Start by completing this questionnaire for those who wish to join Trusting Circles for Caring Advocates Proxies, or by giving us a call. We have provided boxes for you to add a few words, rather than just say Yes or No, if you wish:
Share the experience of creating your own written, video, or audio Values Memoir.
When is the best time to write down what you want others to remember about you? Now! For two reasons:
- One is obvious: You never know when your ability to do this will be lost.
- The other is subtle: When you write down your values and/or relate the important events of your life, people often discover that they continue living the rest of their lives with more meaning, deeper purpose, and expanded fulfillment.
Still, it is often difficult to begin. That is why Caring Advocates will help form Trusting Circles for Creating Values Memoirs – which can be either local (for example in your senior center or library), or on the internet.
How do you start?
Complete the questionnaire below or give us a call, and we will try to place you in a Trusting Circle of like-minded individuals:
Questionnaire for those who wish to join Trusting Circles for Creating Values Memoirs
We’d like to help connect you with like-minded people to accomplish your creative goals so answer as many questions as seem relevant. (Note: Even if you want to create captions for a collection of photographs, or jot down some notes for a spontaneous audio or video interview, it is a good idea to start writing to explore your ideas.) We have provided boxes for you to add a few words, rather than just say Yes or No, if you wish: